Getting clear when everyone else’s voice is louder than your own.
When you’ve spent years prioritizing everyone else’s needs, your own desires can feel foreign—or even selfish.
So when you try to tune into what you want, you hear static instead of certainty.
You might ask:
“What do I want?”
But your nervous system responds with:
“What will keep me safe?”
“What will make them happy?”
“What won’t rock the boat?”
Clarity doesn’t come from people-pleasing.
It comes from presence.
Until you learn to want again, you’ll keep confusing sacrifice for alignment.
Mini Scenario:
You finally get a moment alone.
No kids pulling on you. No one asking for anything.
Just silence.
And instead of feeling relief… you feel stuck.
You check your phone. Open the fridge.
Scroll a bit. Pace a bit.
Because when no one else is directing your attention—
you realize you don’t know what you want to do with your own time.
Not because you lack ideas—
but because it’s been so long since you made a decision that was just for you.
Relearning Desire:
- Start Small – Ask: “What sounds good to me right now?” (food, rest, music, etc.)
- Drop the Guilt – Your wants are not a betrayal of anyone else’s needs.
- Write Without Editing – Make a list of wants without logic, fear, or permission.
- Distill the Core – What do your wants reveal about your unmet needs?
- Honor One Today – Choose one small desire to validate with action.
Reflection Prompts:
- When did I first learn it was safer to not want anything?
- What feels “too much” to ask for—and why?
- Whose voice do I hear when I question my desires?
- What’s one thing I deeply want that I’m afraid to admit out loud?
